ndert2
Follow us on Facebook

Latest Comments

ND Outdoors Sites

FishingBuddy
NoDakOutdoors

Featured Link

Meanwhile

Login Form



Support NorthDecoder

Search This Site

Loading

Amazon Search Widget

Feature Stories

Personal
The Low Road

Amazon Search

JoomlaWatch 1.2.12 - Joomla Monitor and Live Stats by Matej Koval
President Obama Is Invited To North Dakota PDF Print E-mail
Written by Chet   

Join Our BlowoutNorth Dakota's Tea Party, anti-Farm Bill, anti-Social Security, pro-shutdown Congressman Kevin Cramer issued a press release this morning, to let all of us know he has invited President Obama to visit North Dakota.  I've decided to do the same, only I'm going to try to be a little more honest about all of it.  Here goes...

Dear Mr. President,

There is a place in America where Republicans' vision of a corporatist/fascist paradise is a reality. Plus, we're almost done eliminating the pesky wildlife.

It is a place where a new groundbreaking takes place nearly every day, much of it in formerly pristine habitat, and where the signs at all the minimum-wage burger joints say “now hiring” instead of “going out of business”. As has always been true here, anybody can come to North Dakota, get three part-time jobs at poverty wages, struggle to find afforable housing, and still qualify for food stamps!

It is a place where oligarchs in the energy, agriculture, technology, and manufacturing industries thrive, providing a few executive level positions for people in Oklahoma and Texas, many medium to high-wage jobs for people who need that money so they can give most of it back to their employer/landlords as rent, and countless starvation-wage jobs for our citizens and those we welcome from around the world. 

This used to be North Dakota, and I invite you to see it for yourself while the air is still just-barely safe enough to breathe.

You campaigned here before you became President and before Republicans sold the state to a billionaire oil baron, and a lot has gotten worse. While you've been successfully repairing all the damage done by Republican "tinkle down" economics, North Dakota Republicans have been literally burning off our rich natural resources in exchange for a few gold coins and a long, state-wide future as America's Mordor-like cancer cluster theme park. While progressives claw and scratch to get the media to fairly cover the countless stories about it, North Dakota has nearly tripled the amount of natural gas we flare, producing emissions equivalent to more than two medium-sized coal-fired power plants and looking like a huge metropolitan city (from space). We also proudly call ourselves a conservative "red state" while simultaneously bragging of socialized enterprises including a State Bank and a State Mill and Elevator, as well as a little-known illegal socialized public-records-selling service. Meanwhile, housing is getting so unaffordable in parts of the state, that some governmental entities are resorting to operating socialized housing for public employees because it's becoming unaffordable for the people they hire, for example, to afford to live in anything but government-owned FEMA trailers.

Mr. President, you have seen the headlines about the rapidly escallating crime rate in North Dakota, and I know your advisors have briefed you on human trafficking of, by and to our citizens. Several of your cabinet officials have traveled here, and we are grateful for their visits though they inconveniently force our oil company overlords and state officials to cover-up huge oil field blowouts near our one national park while your cabinet officials are in the area

But I believe the significance of the North Dakota story requires a visit from the President himself before this great state becomes uninhabitable. And what better way to assure a nation your first priority is job creation than to visit the state creating a cancer-cluster, crime-riddled, wildlife-free, corporatists' paradise faster than anywhere else?

I want to show you production that exchanges our safe, rich, habitable state for relatively short-lived temporary American energy security.

I want to show you our endangered agriculture industry and introduce you to the farmers and ranchers feeding (oil-soaked?) Monsanto-patented GMO crops to a hungry, unsuspecting world.

I want to introduce you to our debt-burdened college students confident there might be a job for them after graduation, if the air quality doesn't continue its death spiral and crime doesn't scare them away.

I want to show you our coal operations in some of the nation’s most rapidly declining air quality, and see if you can tell the difference between untouched acres and the Custer Mine State Game Management Area east of Garrison, along Highway 83, or the well-pad and well-access-road beleaguered area along Lake Sakakawea straight north of Keene, North Dakota.  Or any olympic-pool-sized toxic fracking waste pit.

And nearly everyone you meet along the way will have an Albuteral inhaler and a "The Koch Brothers for President" bumper sticker.

I and my staff -- well, I, anyway -- stand ready to work with your team on every logistic, and a travel schedule which maximizes your time.

Please visit North Dakota to see what Mordor looked like before it looked like Mordor. The flap on our hasmat tent is open and waiting.

For now.

Chad

editor

@northdecoder.com

Which letter is more honest?  Mine? Or Tea Partier Kevin Cramer's?


Comments (3)add comment

nimrod said:

...
I like Cramer's promo photo. On his computer screen there is a picture of Sean Hannity next to a picture of Cramer. I was surprised that there was no white-out on his screen, next to the Post-It notes.
 
October 25, 2013
Votes: +2

Alice K Olson said:

...
You forgot about his coming to see where the Federal Government spends way more money than the people send to Washington. It's a kind of magic: we send in a dollar, you send back a dollar sixty-eight. And our anti-tax populace and elected officials can't stop asking for more. We want your highway money, your housing money, your farm support money and more. You can see it all here.
 
October 26, 2013
Votes: +0

mikeW said:

...
"I want to introduce you to our debt-burdened college students confident there might be a job for them after graduation, if the air quality doesn't continue its death spiral and crime doesn't scare them away."

I want to introduce you to several students who maybe should not be going to 4 year colleges but instead go to vocational school. Which is more affordable and has more well paying jobs in the state.
 
October 29, 2013
Votes: -1

Write comment

security image
Write the displayed characters


busy